can’t get away from my mind

ok. so.

i wasn’t sure how much i wanted to share with the blogging community and yet, it seems that journaling to myself isn’t enough. i have been such a private person for so long. i keep many thoughts to myself, how i really feel about people and situations. i don’t even know how to share my deepest thoughts.

is there a trick to it? or does one just bare their soul and hope that people don’t run for cover? how much is too much to share? what do people want to read about? what happens when later on life someone finds these public ramblings or confessions? how do i deal with someone in my ‘real’ life finding this blog and reading it? someone in my ‘real’ life that isn’t welcome to my online life? what is it about online that makes sharing slightly less terrifying? why does the online community seem so much… nicer than my real world? more accepting? or is it simply that i don’t have to look anyone in the face after sharing my heart and soul with them? is it that i can hide my face and not see ‘disappointment’ from across a computer screen like i can see from across a table? or is it that i know not many people traverse my screen and read these?

but at the same time i really want to share my mind with someone. i want to share my thoughts. i don’t want to live alone with my mind. i don’t want to be able to lie to myself and others anymore. but i don’t want to scare someone away.

i just feel so…. lost right now.

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5 thoughts on “can’t get away from my mind

  1. Tabitha says:

    I feel ya. I actually wrote about something similar recently, about how I’m better at being genuine in my blog than in person. I promise I’m not trying to promote my blog, but here’s a snippet of what I wrote that I think is on the same level with what you’re saying:”It’s about the distance. Or maybe, more accurately, it’s about where I am when I’m expressing myself. In a roomful of people, or even in a one-on-one conversation, I am instinctively more aware of what I do, how I look, what I say. I’m more self-conscious. It’s not necessarily that I’m nervous or uncomfortable; I’m just aware. I am more careful about everything, all the way down to my facial expressions, because I know from experience that I can communicate a world of responses with my face, without even meaning to. So in contrast, when I’m alone, I don’t feel that automatic inclination to watch myself. Censor myself. Worry what will be received from what I say and do. I can just start typing at 100 words per minute (no joke, I type fast), let it all out, and then see what I have in front of me before I publish it, rather than risking bearing my soul only to have it be smashed…or worse, blurting out something hurtful and then having to do serious damage control.”Anyway…it gets better with time. And I don’t think there’s a “trick” per se, unless the trick is just to say what you want to say and don’t worry about who sees it because it’s for YOU. Easier said than done, of course…Sending happy thoughts your way! 🙂

  2. courtney903 says:

    it’s something you have to work out and you’ll always be fighting with it- the “how much is too much” and “what if so-and-so reads this?” and sometimes people find it you never even considered and you go “hmm, should i maybe worry about what they find?”the longer i do this and the more i realize there are a million other people like me doing this, the more i realize that not everybody in your “real life” has to understand. i realize that this is a big part of who i am and what i write is a direct reflection of ME so if anyone else has a problem with it? well, they can deal with it.and the reason it seems so much easier to share here is because there are other people around you doing the exact same thing. we’re all on the same level here. we all get it.so go for it.i ran in the rain, and you were so right.i’m telling you, just write what you feel.it’s worth it.

  3. The Rambler says:

    I completely understand.If your not really ready to spill it on your blog a couple different blogs host Secret/Anonymous day where everyone posts an anonymous comment spilling some things or some sites will send another blogger’s secret post to another participant. Only the secret blogger knows what blog their secret is on and can read the comments and feedback from that bloggers readers. (Was that confusing? Cause I feel that was :)Maybe you can start there and see how you feel, and if it feels like you can post on your own without feeling like your readers will run for the hills. Then another step forward.But you know, the old saying they were never your true readers if they leave…(or something like that :)Hang in there.

  4. LensFlare says:

    The unfortunate thing about the internet is there’s no way to ever be assured that someone won’t find you. However, you still can maintain a level of anonymity by only having the most vital of information (ie, not using a real name or place) online. People may read it but probably can’t put together enough details to actually put a face or place on what’s going on. It almost comes across more so as fiction than reality in this way. You can share your thoughts with the world without the world knowing exactly whose thoughts they are.Obviously I am trying to keep a certain level of internet anonymity, for reasons I explained, and it’s not always such a bad thing. I firmly believe in a wall between personal and public life, and now in this modern whiz-bang world, also a wall between my real and internet worlds (just as you have stated). Total anonymity may be the best way to go on those things you can’t keep to yourself but don’t want to risk sharing with everyone.

  5. Sebastian says:

    I’m a huge naysayer on the whole anonymity thing…!Just change important details (names, places) and go for it!There is a huge, overwhelming relief when you release something (an emotion, or situation) into the open, and out of the inner turmoil that is your mind.Good luck though, and keep on writing. You’re easy to read, which is nice 🙂

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