i wasn’t sure how much i wanted to share with the blogging community and yet, it seems that journaling to myself isn’t enough. i have been such a private person for so long. i keep many thoughts to myself, how i really feel about people and situations. i don’t even know how to share my deepest thoughts.
is there a trick to it? or does one just bare their soul and hope that people don’t run for cover? how much is too much to share? what do people want to read about? what happens when later on life someone finds these public ramblings or confessions? how do i deal with someone in my ‘real’ life finding this blog and reading it? someone in my ‘real’ life that isn’t welcome to my online life? what is it about online that makes sharing slightly less terrifying? why does the online community seem so much… nicer than my real world? more accepting? or is it simply that i don’t have to look anyone in the face after sharing my heart and soul with them? is it that i can hide my face and not see ‘disappointment’ from across a computer screen like i can see from across a table? or is it that i know not many people traverse my screen and read these?
but at the same time i really want to share my mind with someone. i want to share my thoughts. i don’t want to live alone with my mind. i don’t want to be able to lie to myself and others anymore. but i don’t want to scare someone away.
i just feel so…. lost right now.