green and crimson

She sits there. Stung by yet another rejection. ‘how many more,’ she wonders ‘until she finally learns of her worth? Is there something there for her to give?’

Everything she sees is tainted. This time… tainted green. She wonders if there is potential. She wonders if she is worth having. She wonders. She wonders.

She thinks about them. All of them. What if this and what if that? If only things were different. If only she wasn’t leaving. If only he hadn’t found her. If only he didn’t completely understand her. If only she was more than a child. If only he didn’t want anything human and female.

She’s having such a hard time making sense of it all.

Sometimes her life is green. Sometimes it is crimson. Sometimes it is just dark. How can she even keep up with it all. She wonders so often. ‘what if life was more crimson? Would things be better then?’ she can’t help but notice the ways that crimson is such a beautiful color.

She lays the crimson across the beautiful cream of her skin and notices the glow that it gives her. She pulls in the green and sees how unattractive it is. She pushes it away, though still looking longingly at the green. Still noticing that it’s a beautiful color as well. Though… not as beautiful as crimson.

She glances back to the crimson. She hears it calling her name. can she even begin to resist the call of it? Does she want to? It can’t be wrong to love a color. It can’t be wrong to want it to lie beautifully next to her skin. She strokes the crimson with her finger and again, eyes the green.

Rejection floods her mind. Rejected by so many before. Rejected by so many to come, probably as well. She looks away.

Her eyes come back to this green. This beautiful, tantalizing green. She walks over again and embraces it. The green is so expensive, though. She thinks about what she must give away in order to possess this green.

The crimson is nearly free, however.

Her heart desires this green. Oh but how it costs her. How expensive it is. She wonders if it is worth the cost. How much will it cost her to obtain this green? Will it be worth it in the end? She doesn’t know.

So she will not decide. Not today, at least. One hand on both the green and the crimson… for now.

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