there’s something about having an addiction that makes it begin to define you. who you are, how other people perceive you, how they treat you.
i have a friend who knows about my addiction and suddenly it’s become the thing that defines me to this person. every conversation for the last week or so has had some sort of involvement with it. any fluctuation of emotion might trigger something, according to said friend. if i’m sad, i might do it. if i get angry, i might go there. if said friend says something challenging, i might take it there.
i’m so tired of this being something that defines me. it’s not something that i have a problem with. it’s a defining characteristic.
what i do does not define who i am. who i am defines what i do. why does it always seem to go the other way? because it’s easier? is it easier to define someone by what they do? to take the little pieces, actions, and make those what defines a person.
what about what i believe? does that define who i am? do people see that, too?
is it impossible to believe that i don’t think about it all the time? is it impossible to believe that i can get better? is it impossible?
the truth is, i’m not defined by my downfalls. i’m not defined by my sins. i’m not defined by my shortcomings.
there are things that do define me. my status as a child of God. that defines me. my faith. that defines me.
what defines you?