so. for those of you who HAVE missed me for the past few days, i apologize. life has been overwhelming lately. i’m here now, though, to catch you up on events of the past weeks or so. ready? i hope so…
1) i’ve been working on plan b. trying to figure out if i should move somewhere, like oh say tennessee. if i should get a full-time job here in fargo doing something. or if i should go back to school for something else. something totally different. i CAN tell you that i’ve pretty much made up my mind. i’m NOT, however, going to share any of that right now. for several reasons, actually. one) thank you for your support and advice, but frankly right now i don’t want anymore. two) i don’t have all the details ironed out yet and there are a few people i need to talk to FACE TO FACE before things get way out there and people start hearing by word of mouth, etc. three) i’ve needed to take a break from life and focus again on my FAITH. i had a minor meltdown a few days ago, yes the most recent password protected post and i’m still recuperating from that.
2) i’m STRESSED. with life being such a jumble and crazy, i’ve become very stressed. i DO KNOW that everything is going to work out. i know that, but still things are crazy and i’m not really sure how to deal with all that right now. and when i get stressed, i don’t really sleep, i don’t really eat and that makes me even MORE tired and then i start feeling depressed and it’s just a snowball effect. so that’s what’s been going on for a while. i’m sorry that i haven’t been keeping up on reading all y’all’s blogs and commenting and stuff, but my brain simply couldn’t handle it.
3) i’m developing new numb spots on my legs. i had surgery 5 years ago for compartment syndrome. i have six scars on my legs, three on each and the two lower inside scars are where the numbness is starting to develop. the left leg is moreso than the right leg, but that makes sense because the highest pressure pre-surgery WAS in that spot. i have an exam with the chiropractor tomorrow about it. i’m nervous. because i don’t want him to tell me that i can’t run anymore. because that. would. suck. i love running. i pretty much always have. i want to run the fargo marathon next may and if he tells me i can’t run, well, then i can’t. i can’t do my marathon. and i can’t do something that i love. and here are some pictures one or two days post-surgery. if you’re squeamish, you might not want to look.
4) sunday, i got a new piercing. on my left ear. cartilage. for $15. i love apprentice piercing workshops. i got salt, soap, jewelry and piercing for $15. usually that would cost upwards of $50. which i obviously can’t afford. but i could swing $15. and i love it. it was painful and throbby yesterday, but that’s because i wouldn’t leave it alone. i kept trying to clean off the blood (sorry, a little gross, but there’s a new hole in my head, there’s going to be blood. what did you expect?) and thus, made it hurt. but today it’s fine.
5) i’m missing my friends. my old friends. seeing them in person. courtney, alli, jen, christina (yes, i’m using real names). i miss sitting next to them watching movies, having a drink, talking, catching up. seeing their faces, watching their eyes. i have new wonderful friends, really, but you all know what i mean. i think i just want some old familiar back to help my life make a bit of sense. new friends remind me that i have to keep moving forward, but sometimes moving forward is the hardest thing to do. sometimes i just want the comfort of the familiar old past. so yes, i miss you girls dearly.
6) i kinda want to start dating again. however. i just haven’t found someone that i’m interested in yet. there are a couple guys interested in me, but sadly the feeling is not mutual. a while ago, i DID find someone who i was very interested in. seemed to be the perfect person for me, at least the little i knew about him. and then he got a girlfriend. and yes, they’re still together and adorable and all that junk. oh well. wasn’t meant to be. it’s just strange to be with someone for so long and then to SUDDENLY have them gone. there is so much you share with someone when you’re together and i didn’t realize it until it was over. i guess i didn’t know what i was looking for. or looking at. and i miss all those little things. and i’m definitely ready to move on. i’m over c. i’m over him. i still love him, i always will, but it’s different. it’s the kind that wants him to be happy and that isn’t with me. and i wasn’t truly happy with him either. we both deserve better. and i’m going to make sure that i only date someone that i could see myself being HAPPY with. not necessarily dating for marriage, but just being happy. someone who gets me. someone who understands me. someone who i get. someone who i understand. i know what i’m looking for now and i’ll know what i’m looking AT when the time comes.
7) i painted my fingernails and toenails. it was fun and they’re pretty.
so. i think that’s everything that’s going on right now. that’s why i’ve been missing and whatnot. now that i’ve caught you all up, i do believe i’m going to lay outside in the sun for a bit because i can. because the sun is out and because i need to even out what i did on monday. you all have a splendid day and i can’t wait to read all of the lovely comments i’m going to get. haha. later!!