Jesus, Jesus why’s your name so offensive…

short little blurb this morning.

so last night, i met some new peeps, which was totally fun. met this guy who we’ll call Hockey. nice guy. he saw my tat that i have and immediately asked me what it means.

i had no. answer. for him.

i mean, obviously it’s an outward symbol of an inward faith, but last night? couldn’t come up with anything. partly because what it meant when i got it is so different from what it means now. you could almost say that i haven’t really figured out what it means to me.

i guess i could say that it’s a covenant to myself and to God that i won’t go back to where i once was. that my acceptance of Jesus’ death on a cross for my sins and screwups and failures takes away the desire or the need to go back to the place i used to be.

i’ve also started wearing a purity ring again. and i was asked about that. again, i was suddenly really uncomfortable. and again, i had no real answer. the best i could come up with, with the help of a very intoxicated chick there, was that yeah, i kinda screwed up before and i’m trying again. i don’t want to make the same mistakes.

this really disappoints me. two opportunities to share about my faith and i dropped the ball on both of them. is it because i was unprepared? or is it because for some reason, i’m still shy about talking about my faith? do i feel like people are going to judge me because of it?

Oh the things I’ve sacrificed
So that I could bring You to this world
I want them to see You in me
But Your name just keeps them far from me
So I’ll keep quiet
Let’s hope they see I’m different

Jesus, Jesus why’s your name offensive
Why are we so scared to tell this world You’ve saved us
When all of the hope of the world’s in Your name, yeah
Why are we so scared to say
Oh Jesus Oh Jesus

If I avoid to speak Your name
Tell me would You do the same to me
If relevance becomes my goal
Tell me will I lose You to its hold
But if I keep quiet they’ll never see I’m different

Jesus, Jesus why’s your name offensive
Why are we so scared to tell this world You’ve saved us
When all of the hope of the world’s in Your name
Why are we so scared to say
Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus

I’m sorry I cared about my name more than Yours
I’m so sorry how could I hide You anymore
But if I keep quiet
They’ll never see I’m different

Jesus, Jesus why’s your name so offensive
Why are we so scared to tell this world You’ve saved us
When all of the hope of the world’s in Your name
Why are we so scared to say
Oh, Jesus Oh, Jesus Oh, Jesus

i’m a little disappointed with myself to be honest. immediately this song came to my mind as i struggled with words to say to these people last night. part of me really hopes to get a second chance, you know? a ‘hey, let’s try this again, this is what my tat means and this is what i mean about my purity ring’. i guess it just surprises me so much when people ask about these things. i don’t ever expect it.

we were just talking about this at my college-age bible study last night. even though we’re children of God, we still struggle with the same sins that we used to before we surrendered. and i said something really wise, actually. i don’t believe that a really bad decision ever comes out of nowhere, it’s set up over time. through a series of decisions where you choose something else over choosing God. and that’s exactly what happened to me. lately i’ve been choosing other small things over choosing God. this blog gives me some bravery when it comes to talking about my faith but i still falter when it comes down to face to face conversations, at least the initial ones.

“…i’m sorry, i cared about my name more than Yours, i’m so sorry. how could i hide You anymore? but if i keep quiet they’ll never see i’m different…”


4 thoughts on “Jesus, Jesus why’s your name so offensive…

  1. courtney903 says:

    i almost never outright say anything, even when asked. i keep the answers simple, for fear of coming across as preachy. i’m not a salesman and i’ve never wanted to be. if someone wants to take my simple answer and continue the conversation, then i’ll do it, but really, i’m more a fan of living by example. i feel like, maybe because this is how I am, that people are much more likely to look at someone’s life, someone’s actions, and try to figure out what’s driving them– people are more responsive to just figuring it out for themselves. because they don’t feel like they’re being SOLD anything.

    the fact that you’re not hiding these things but don’t really have so many words to expand on them at the moment isn’t necessarily a bad thing. it means you’re not ready to talk. it’s still personal. the words will come when the time is right.

  2. kristen says:

    this was such a wise post. I definitely agree that the things build up over time of small decisions where we put God second. Also, don’t feel bad about last night. God knows you are trying. I think sometimes it can be hard to discuss our faith and I have had the same problem recently because really you don’t know where to start. Just ask God to put the words in your mouth. Good for you for wearing the purity ring again and God knows where you are and He knows your struggles and just submit it all to Him. I am having a hard time submitting and trusting Him with everything right now but I know He knows I am trying.

  3. LensFlare says:

    I think our current pop culture has made such a villain out of Christians that sometimes it can be hard to express your faith because you don’t know if the person you are talking to will listen to you about your faith or immediately judge you as the stereotype put forth in pop culture. Some things I have heard just in regular conversation that people say about Christians is outright offensive (and, by the way, I doubt they would say the same things about Jews or Muslims) and having to potentially contend with that could make a person hesitant.

    I think you eventually find the right balance of expressing your faith and talking about God without coming across as preachy. It will probably take time to figure out just how to go about it. Each opportunity that comes up to talk about your faith may have to be viewed as getting a little more practice each time until you are able to confidently explain your faith. Eventually you will get it right! 🙂

  4. Andrew says:

    Well, as someone who just wrote a lengthy post & then deleted it, I can say that the main reasons I censor myself are:

    1. I don’t want to offend anybody
    2. I don’t like to wear my religion or my politics on my sleeve. And sadly, the two seem very intertwined these days.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s