either i believe you, or i don’t. either i trust you, or i don’t. either i want to be with you, or i don’t.
but i will sit on the fence forever if you let me. i will avoid to make a decision for as long as i’m allowed. as long as i have to play self-preservation, i will play it to the fullest.
i can’t say that i trust you and then not act on it. i can’t say that i would like to be with you and not act on that. just like i can’t claim to be a Christian and not act on that belief. i can’t say that my God has saved me from myself, protected me, allowed me to become the person that i am and not live in light of that. i can’t claim that and then not allow Him to be first in my life. in my everything. because i can always trust Him. HE will never let me down. even if you do. and i trusted Him long before i met you and i will continue to trust Him long after you are gone.
i can’t let my fear drive me forever. i can’t let the possibility of me getting hurt drive away the possibility of something making me happy. i can’t let one or two experiences dictate how the rest of those similar experiences will go. someday, i’m going to have to move on. someday, i’m going to have to take that step. someday, i’m going to have to be vulnerable again. i’m going to have to trust again. i’m going to have to allow myself the opportunity to be happy again.
i have to believe that you were brought to me for a reason. and that i was brought to you for a reason. there’s something that needs to be accomplished here. but what is it? i don’t know.
if i say i believe something, i have to be strong and brave enough to act on it. otherwise, do i really believe? do i truly believe it? or am i just saying it because that’s what someone else wants? do i just think that i believe it? if i believe something, if i really really believe it, then i can’t help but to live in light of that belief, or those beliefs.
am i right?