questions, questions, questions…

i was chatting with my sister yesterday and brought up some stuff that, yes, i have thought about but haven’t really addressed. you know?

i mean, come on. i’m getting married. to a guy i’ve known for going on 5 months.

doesn’t anyone else think this is a little fast? or are we just SSSOOOOOO superbly matched that no one thinks anything of it? OR are people THINKING it but not saying anything because the LAST time they tried to say something i didn’t listen?

ok. let me clarify what this is and what this is not. this is just me throwing questions out there that are in my head. this is NOT me questioning the relationship or anything. i’m VERY excited about all of this. i wish you could see how excited i am. i’m trying not to throw it in everyone’s face, but i’m definitely excited.

however, i do think that it’s kind of strange that no one has said anything about this being too fast. until now. and it’s only one person. so is my sister crazy? or is everyone else crazy? or is everyone else timid? i mean, i’ve thought about this a lot. i haven’t ever really been one interested in dating someone for dating’s sake. if it’s not going to GO somewhere, why do it? what’s the point? but then, if you really think about it, what’s the point of getting married, anyway? so you can make babies? so you can be not lonely in life? sometimes it just seems like such a weird concept to me.

kind of like life in general. you all know i’m a christian and whatnot, but sometimes i wonder what the point is. why be here for just a little while? if we came from nothing just be taken to heaven someday, why not just skip the middle step and go straight to heaven? that would be more logical, wouldn’t it be? it just seems strange that we would be here for 80 years doing stuff. working, perpetuating the species. does it seem strange to anyone else? does anyone else think about this stuff?

sometimes i get really philosophical and then i feel like i SHOULDN’T be questioning this stuff, but i do. and i’m sure God’s not too worried about it to be honest. He can take it. i think that He prefers thinkers anyway. people who aren’t simply blindly following and living their lives. people who really think about stuff and really question things, those who seek out answers. those who aren’t afraid to ask the really hard questions even though there isn’t really an answer to them. at least not a really satisfactory solid concrete answer. there are answers out there. i think that it’s up to everyone to seek them out. and i don’t mean find their own answers, i mean find THE answers. the REAL answers. and who knows what those answers really are. if everyone had the answers, there would be no questions.

questions are not bad. i don’t understand why some people are SO afraid of questions. you know the type, they get all worked up if you ask anything, if you question anything. and not even just over the malicious questions, but the simple ones. and what about those who ask questions but don’t want to hear the answers? have you ever had conversations like that? where someone will ask you a question and then they don’t give you time to really answer it before they jump in and accuse you of not knowing anything? or they’ll WANT to ask you questions and WANT to hear your answer, but they don’t shut up long enough for you to answer any of them anyway? i personally find that to be extremely frustrating. it’s like… really?! shut yer face so i can answer you!! i DO have some answers and you’d get them if you’d shut up long enough to hear them.

i figure if i’m going to ask a question, i better be prepared to hear whatever answer people have. and i better be prepared to let them take as long as they have to in order to answer those questions. some people need processing time. i’m one of those people. i need a bit of processing time before i can really answer something. if i’m rushed, i then start to say things that are contradictory. i say one thing and then two sentences later i say the opposite. i find that some people get really frustrated with me when talking about some things because i stop and think. i make sure that i know what i want to say. i want people to LISTEN when i say something because they think that it’s something worth saying. they think that it’s something worth LISTENING to. i want to be worth listening to. i think everyone does.

how about you? do you stop and think? do you find yourself getting frustrated when others do? are you a questioner like me?

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8 thoughts on “questions, questions, questions…

  1. James says:

    MMMMmmm Deep stuff, I like it. I hope you are prepared for the wall of text you have stirred up with this one ☺

    On getting married after knowing me for 5 months:

    It goes without saying, that we are superbly matched. I can start a sentence, and you can finish it. Sometimes, I wonder how we can be so similar from such different backgrounds. We knew immediately that we had crazy chemistry, attraction, and untold numbers of intangibles that simply make it seem that we are custom built to be with each other. We have spent a great deal of time with each other, and not just wasting time together, but real quality time. I have learned to know you better than anyone else I have ever known. Not just details and factoids about you but YOU. The person you are, the way that you think, feel, act, question, listen, learn and so forth and so forth. We have talked about the hardest subjects and we keep a complete open door of communication. If not for those things, I would be very worried about or lasting ability together. We are both very rational and reasonable people that complement each other so well, in so many ways, that I cant dispute the fact that we are in fact, built by God to make it through this life as a team. There is not a single person, I can think of or even imagine that suits me better as my partner than you. I look forward to our future together, the challenges, the great times, the work…everything. I cant express how excited I am to take on this life with you at my side.

    As to life, and why we are here:

    I have no idea why we are here, but as I have grown in my faith, I have come to accept one thing. God put me here and wants me to be here. For whatever reason, he desires it. As such, I will live my life the best way I know how. I think that God desires marriage and having children because it is our best chance to be more Christ like. I can think of no better way to love God than to marry the woman I love, support her and love her with everything I can. Be the best father I can be to our children when the time comes and learn more and more as life goes forward how to make our life about God, together.

    I think that questions are wonderful things. They get us to think and challenge our minds to address things we may not be comfortable thinking about. I learn more from questions, than I do from answers, about life, God, and just about anything in general.

    Anyway, Im rambling and need to get back to work, but I hope this answers some of those questions, even tho I have talked to you about it, I figured Id drop this response on here as well.

  2. Allison says:

    Not gonna lie; I have thought, “Holy Crap. This is fast!” But then I see you two together and that thought goes away and I think, “Man, I hope I find that someday.” If you two keep doing what you are doing and continue to CHOOSE to love each other, I have no worries.

  3. nicopolitan says:

    Hey every heart is different. Some take years to warm up, some are just always warm. Far be it from me to tell you what is fast and what is slow — what counts is you two can live through the infatuation state. And that typically occurs right after the first month, but 5 months solid should have already given you a glimpse of what the “coasting” part of the relationship feels like.

    You guys seem to be doing fine from here. But then again, I’m from the interwebs.

  4. travellershome says:

    i ask a lot of questions, but mostly of myself… i’m too shy most of the time to actually ask anyone who might have a real answer. most of my personal journalling is me asking questions and then rambling on in hopes of figuring out an answer. life, purpose, decisions, situations, etc. are all in the list of stuff that gets examined, lol.

    and i also end up trying to avoid questions a lot of the time, partly because the people who ask typically aren’t doing it because they care, but because they’re nosy (and nosy people make me uncomfortable and even more self-conscious than i already am), and partly because giving them a straight answer will just create more questions that they just won’t understand… i’ve been called a freak before, among other things, just because i told the truth, so i’ve opted more and more to stick to the simplest, least radical answer. it still bothers me to some degree… i wonder if i really am a freak, and if most people think i am but are too polite to say it to my face.

    i’m completely with you on the “dating for dating’s sake” thing… i have never understood it, and probably never will. i started dating my boyfriend because i knew he was the one i wanted to marry someday… i simply can’t see myself in a relationship with anyone that i wasn’t utterly sure i could live with for the rest of my life. we talk about anything and everything, no secrets, no off-limits topics… we talk about things that bother us, that worry us, that make us happy and content, that we want to do or have in the future, EVERYTHING.

    in regards to the question “is it too soon?” i would say that’s up to the two of you. i get a similar question all the time, where people wonder how i can handle a long-distance relationship, especially when they find out that we’ve only physically seen each other three times: once for a few months, back when i was studying abroad, once when he came to visit this past march, and once this september when i went to visit him. the rest of the time we’ve had to rely on email, instant messenger, and voice/video chats. it’s hard, it really is… but we talk almost every day, and i know him better than i know anyone else, and he knows me better than anyone else, and to me that’s what really counts. so if you guys are sure this is what’s right for you, then go ahead and don’t worry about what other people think… too often people rely on stereotypes and what is generally considered socially acceptable to define normality, and not everyone fits in that box.

    so there’s my rambling for the night, lol.

  5. bleighv05 says:

    lurking, ever lurking.

    When you know it’s right, it’s right. really, really, really know……deep down in your bones and no one can say anything to change your mind kind of right. You two have a stability that I never saw in your previous relationship……there’s just a rightness when I see you two together. That’s why we’re not worried………because it’s just right.

  6. Courtney says:

    Oh darling. You and I are very much alike. I’m a thinker and a question asker and many of the other things you described yourself as. I think my letter writing tendencies come from all the time I take to process things– I finally manage to get the pieces together LONG after I’ve received them, and the only way I can make sense of it all is to get it out… write it down. I understand.

    As for the reasons no one has asked you why you’re moving so quickly with James… I think it doesn’t SEEM all that fast to most of us. It doesn’t to me. I mean, this entire YEAR has gone by like crazy for me, and yet, it seems as if you and James have been together forEVER. I’ve never met him, you know, but the way you talk about him… you just seem like you’ve found your perfect fit.

    Also, there’s the matter of the fact that you know how to handle relationships. I mean, for example, the guy I’m dating right now, I could TOTALLY see myself marrying. For real. But if he asks me five months from now (or three and a half, I guess) I’ll probably laugh in his face. Sometimes you just know, but if even if you do and you’ve never really done the real long term relationship thing– and i haven’t– you owe it to yourselves to learn how to be with another person first. You’ve done all that. You know what you’re getting yourself into, and you know James is the guy to get into it with. I’m not worried about you at all.

    Anyway… I think that’s all I’ve got to say. 🙂

  7. DeMo says:

    My friend got married in September, and was in a short relationship before she got engaged like you are, and she is also a questioner, and just kept asking and asking “is 5 months too short?” and really the only answer to that is that it doesn’t really matter if 5 months is too short. When you know, you know. Of course, I don’t really have much experience in that area since I’m very single never-engaged. But there are 30+ year marriages that are successful for people who got engaged after just 2 months. From hearing about James and reading what he says, you two are a good fit.

    As to our purpose on Earth, to get down to the basics, we are here to bring others to Christ. God doesn’t want any of His kids to not go to Heaven.

  8. Emily Jane says:

    Hello!! I know maybe it seems weird this is my first “hello” to your blog and I’m all talking about marriage advice and stuff, but I just found you through the lovely Tabitha and had to stop and read a bit… if that’s okay 🙂

    In all honesty, I’ve been engaged three times. Once, to someone I knew for six months. I thought everything was perfect too, and didn’t listen to the people who told me it was too fast. Second time, after 2 months. !!! You’d think I learned my lesson, but we got along SO perfectly and everything just seemed right…

    and now I’m engaged again. To someone I’ve known about 6 years, who I’ve been with for almost two. More of a realistic engagement. I learned some really hard lessons about myself though – I was young, naive (early 20s can still be young and naive!!) and through that, jumped into something without experiencing the ONLY thing that will determine whether you’re going to make a marriage work with someone – TIME. I refused to listen to that sort of advice at the time. Everything was so perfect there was no way it couldn’t work. But then each time, something happened. The guys ended up behaving appallingly knowing I’d stick around because we were engaged. I went through some hellish treatment including physical abuse from the person I was engaged to, all the while putting up with it “because everything was so perfect in the beginning, and we were engaged so we were meant to be together”.

    I don’t want to be the weird stranger that tells you how to live your life. I just don’t want what happened to me to happen to anyone else. And what’s wrong with waiting a year or so if you’re going to be together anyway?

    I do wish you the best of luck, in all sincerity 🙂

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