in which i get all existential (or something)…

i sent a message to a friend on stalkerbook yesterday. she just got married not too long ago. we’ve been friends for ages. we grew up together, went to the same church together, went through some very trying experiences together. and as i messaged her and i realized that i haven’t talked to her in a long time. i miss her.

two things have caused us to grow apart. time and distance. we were great friends back in the day. we talked about anything and everything. our struggles. our victories. our hurts. our joys. everything. fears about the future. and then i went to college. and i tried to keep in contact, i really did, but i kinda failed. life got busy. and then she went to college. and she got busy too. and we lost touch, sort of.

sure, we’d talk when we were home at church. and we got coffee a few times. and chatted. but… something was different. it wasn’t the same. too much time. too much distance. too much to catch up on. though when i think of her, i feel it in my soul. i feel the time. i feel the distance. i feel the hole that was left. and i wonder if it’s too late. i wonder if it’s too late to catch back up. i wonder if it’s too late to be friends again. to be close again.

i think about all my new friends, who are moving and have moved and i wonder if the same will happen. i wonder if i will feel their absence the way i feel hers. i wonder if that absence will occur. i wonder if time and distance will draw us apart as well. is it something that you can avoid? or is it inevitable? is it all simply an attempt to delay what’s ultimately going to happen?

we all get busy. we all get new friends based on where we are. we all change. does this mean that we have to grow apart? can we possibly have the time and energy to maintain long distance friendships? are they more difficult to maintain than short-distance friendships? i think that they can be. i wish that wasn’t the case, though. i wish that it was just as easy to maintain those long distance relationships.

maybe, though, just maybe if the relationship is important enough, you make the time. right? how else can a long distance relationship work? any long distance relationship. yes, there will be hard times. there will be times where you physically just want to see the person and go out for coffee. and just be together.

so, my stalkerbook friend who is going through so much right now, i will try to make the effort. i will try harder to stay in contact with you. because you are so sweet and i love your heart. my heart reaches out to yours right now and i hope that you can feel it. i feel your ache, my friend. my heart aches for you. we’ll keep in touch. i promise.

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One thought on “in which i get all existential (or something)…

  1. imerika says:

    yeah i think we all go through these things. i had a roommate in high school for two years. we were inseparable. and then our senior year we sort of had a falling out and it just wasn’t the same. when we went off to college, we didn’t really keep in touch. througha mutual friend, we sort of started hanging out again. it was weird at first, for sure. but eventually we became really good friends again. i think most of the time, if you reach out to someone, people are really happy to hear from you. it’s that initial reach that’s scary bc we all fear rejection, but more often than not, people are happy to have a friend.

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