a friend of mine, well, not really a friend. more like an acquaintance (that sounds harsh to me, but i guess it’s the truth. we’re NOT friends. i’d never call to hang out. whatever. we’ll just go with friend knowing that it’s not the whole truth there).
so a friend of mine is in a relationship. has been for a while now. with a really nice girl. i think. i don’t really know her that well. i’m assuming that she’s nice and wonderful and whatever. so this friend has been using this phrase for a while “guarding their hearts” and for the longest time, i had absolutely no idea what he meant by that. i mean, i figured that it had something to do with not moving too fast but i still just wasn’t sure. so i finally stalkerbooked him and asked ‘what do you mean by that?’
though his answer was short and to the point, it was a really good answer and now the cogs of my brain are turning turning.
he says that there are 3 accelerators to a relationship: physical, spiritual, emotional and that basically guarding your heart means not giving more of yourself than where you are in the relationship. of course, that’s still a pretty vague definition but it leaves room for thought, for pondering, for wondering…
i am not what one would consider as good at guarding my heart. i open my heart to everyone and let them (for the most part) into it and then, of course, let them leave when they want too. so for one who doesn’t guard her heart, she’s had a LOT of heartache. and i can certainly see where all (or most) of that would have been alleviated had i taken care to guard my heart. would the ex have hurt me as badly? no, i don’t think so because i don’t think that our relationship would have survived as long as it did. i don’t think that we would have given as much as we did to each other.
and then i wonder am i making the same “mistake” in my current relationship? are we moving faster, giving more of our hearts than where we are in the relationship? are we speeding down the same road that i went before? that i’ve gone so many times before?
is everyone capable of guarding their hearts as such?
i’m not entirely sure. i’m not entirely sure that i would be able to hold back on certain things, especially the emotional and spiritual involvement. what’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re not investing in it? and maybe i’m not understanding it completely correctly. maybe it’s not that you’re holding back anything but just that you’re not steaming into a relationship, giving more than what the two of you are ready for.
i think that it’s moreso that part of me feels like if you’re guarding your heart, you’re not really giving yourself to that person, you’re not actually investing in the relationship. but if you look at it the other way, then you’re not giving yourself to someone that you’re not going to be with forever. you’re not taking anything away when the relationship ends. you’re not giving part of yourself to someone who doesn’t deserve to have it and you’re keeping as much of yourself as possible for the one you WILL be with forever.
overall, i think it makes a lot of sense. it’s a really good idea. i’m not entirely convinced that even if i had known about that concept whilst with the ex that i would have had the fortitude to do such a thing. i simply don’t see myself as able to keep that much out of a relationship. not that i would need the relationship but i think that if you’re going to take the time to form a relationship, a friendship, it needs to be as real as possible. and open. and vulnerable. i’m not good enough about not being vulnerable.
so i figure that those who are able to do so should do it. and i have the utmost respect for them. i would probably recommend guarding your heart to anyone. i just don’t think that i’m capable of doing it myself.