so we did the whole ‘we’ve been married for a month and she’s feeling a little sick and now the morning sickness jokes are flying so we should probably do a baby test’ test. not that either of us was actually WORRIED or even THOUGHT there WAS a baby, but you know, why not? right?
the test was negative. there’s no baby. just like we thought.
however, i find myself being pretty disappointed about it. i KNOW that a baby is absolutely what we don’t need right now and all that jazz, but for a little while, i was having a lot of fun thinking and pretending that there was a little guy or a little girl in there. just hanging out. growing. whatever. and then to have the baby test say ‘nope, sorry’ was disappointing.
i know that the IDEA of a baby and the REALITY of a baby are two very different things. the way i figured, IF there was a baby, it would come in january. right before or right at the beginning of my final semester. which really would be my hardest semester. so not only would i be trying to do the school thing, i’d be trying to do it while taking care of an incredibly needy little baby. and it wouldn’t STOP being incredibly needy, probably, until after graduation. that timing is not exactly what we had planned. well, not at ALL what we had planned. that would make for one REALLY stressful school year and for someone trying to do REALLY well (and succeeding), that would make things MUCH MUCH tougher.
so the question is ‘why the disappointment?’. why be disappointed that things are working out just as we had planned? because i’m a girl, i guess. and girls want babies. or something. or maybe it’s because i have the most awesome husband in the world (yeah, i’m biased, calm down already married peoples) and i want to start a family with him. i want to start one so badly that the bad timing doesn’t affect that desire. i’m not one to be skipping pills or anything like that to try to MAKE it come true because deep down, i know the reality. deep down, i get it.
i think that overall, the weirdest part is that neither one of us was really worried about a baby. as in if i was pregnant. we weren’t wondering how we would pay for it or any of that stuff. it was more ‘this timing is off but if it’s there, we’re totally happy and we’ll make it work’. which is really cool. there was no freak out or anything like that. nothing to be worried about.
now if only i would stop feeling sick…