little bitty baby “scare”…

so we did the whole ‘we’ve been married for a month and she’s feeling a little sick and now the morning sickness jokes are flying so we should probably do a baby test’ test. not that either of us was actually WORRIED or even THOUGHT there WAS a baby, but you know, why not? right?

the test was negative. there’s no baby. just like we thought.

however, i find myself being pretty disappointed about it. i KNOW that a baby is absolutely what we don’t need right now and all that jazz, but for a little while, i was having a lot of fun thinking and pretending that there was a little guy or a little girl in there. just hanging out. growing. whatever. and then to have the baby test say ‘nope, sorry’ was disappointing.

i know that the IDEA of a baby and the REALITY of a baby are two very different things. the way i figured, IF there was a baby, it would come in january. right before or right at the beginning of my final semester. which really would be my hardest semester. so not only would i be trying to do the school thing, i’d be trying to do it while taking care of an incredibly needy little baby. and it wouldn’t STOP being incredibly needy, probably, until after graduation. that timing is not exactly what we had planned. well, not at ALL what we had planned. that would make for one REALLY stressful school year and for someone trying to do REALLY well (and succeeding), that would make things MUCH MUCH tougher.

so the question is ‘why the disappointment?’. why be disappointed that things are working out just as we had planned? because i’m a girl, i guess. and girls want babies. or something. or maybe it’s because i have the most awesome husband in the world (yeah, i’m biased, calm down already married peoples) and i want to start a family with him. i want to start one so badly that the bad timing doesn’t affect that desire. i’m not one to be skipping pills or anything like that to try to MAKE it come true because deep down, i know the reality. deep down, i get it.

i think that overall, the weirdest part is that neither one of us was really worried about a baby. as in if i was pregnant. we weren’t wondering how we would pay for it or any of that stuff. it was more ‘this timing is off but if it’s there, we’re totally happy and we’ll make it work’. which is really cool. there was no freak out or anything like that. nothing to be worried about.

now if only i would stop feeling sick…


3 thoughts on “little bitty baby “scare”…

  1. Maaaaaam says:

    God will provide the babies…… His time – regardless of what you are doing. It’s good though that you’ve had to think about it…decided what you would have done if it had been for real. But now it’s not. And yea – it’s always disappointing to think you are and then you find out you’re not. That’s pretty normal. Glad to hear that you’re not though. School IS hard enough on it’s own without adding a baby to the mix. Many do it, but it’s a lot tougher. Trust God to provide when He knows it’s right.

  2. Tabitha says:

    Yeah, we had basically the exact same thing happen a month into the marriage. It was like, “I’m two days late – OMG! Must take pregnancy test!” And while we both knew that we weren’t ready to start “trying” and we both figured it wouldn’t come out positive, there was a part of me that was disappointed when it came up negative. It’s so silly, really, but I guess it’s good that the thought of having a child together IS exciting to us, even if it’s not something we’re “ready” for at this moment.

  3. Renee says:

    I think that’s totally normal. I know without a doubt that I will never have another baby because I don’t WANT another baby. But I’ve had moments where I knew I wasn’t pregnant, but hormonal shifts caused some delay of the one monthly reminder that I’m NOT pregnant and had to take the test. Even though I was hoping and hoping it would be negative, there was still a twinge when it was.

    There’s something exciting in the promise of a new life. And babies are sweet and cute and cuddly and I think we all want that in some way, even if we don’t want it in actuality.

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