so i’ve been “sick” for the past 5 days but it’s been a weird kind of sick. as in, the only real presenting symptom was the swelling of the area of my mouth behind my molars, which are giving me these ‘adorable’ fat cheeks and ridiculous difficulty in eating and talking. i’m pretty much only eating no-chew food and i’ve developed this crazy lisp because i haven’t been able to close my mouth enough to say my s’s without putting myself in excruciating pain. it’s weird. it gives me headaches. and today, the most fun thing happened! my jaw is all tense and doing these weird spasm things.
yes, i’m going to the doctor in the morning to figure out what the heck is going on with my face.
anyway, i didn’t come on here to complain about my fat cheeks.
i actually wanted to talk more about all the life changes that people are making and how i’m finally jumping on the bandwagon. it started way at the beginning of the summer(ish), but probably before now that i think about it, with tab wanting to lose weight. then In It To Gym It popped up. then other people started doing things like exercising and losing weight and getting back into ballet after a years-long hiatus, reorganizing homes and lives, trying to find the things that will make them happy and fulfilled and leading better, healthier lives.
i started really running seriously again a couple months ago. and honestly, i’ve loved it. i LOVE running. then school started again it became a game of trying to find time to do other things than school. i was on campus all day doing homework, doing it in the evening, in the morning – all the time. it’s pretty much all i did. i realized VERY quickly, however, that i was being really crazy and unhealthy about my homework. at the rate i was going, i’d be burned out by oct. 1.
i decided to really revamp how i was doing life. i took all the things i was doing and wanting to be doing and i put them on a hypothetical list and i prioritized them. james and i both decided that running was important, so i have been slowly and intentionally working that into the system of weekly life. now that i feel that exercise has been sufficiently habitualized into my routine, i’m finding that it’s time to take another step.
i’ve been working on getting some volunteering in, but this lady isn’t emailing me back. i may have to actually call her, which i’d really rather not do, but i really want to get started on this volunteering. i really want to make it part of my week, part of my life. as i’ve been working on this, a few other people have been realizing the need for reprioritization. i really think i have a handle on how to do this the right way, the way that sets me up for success, the way that makes it manageable and i think that is SO. COOL.
i have finally realized that i can’t do everything. and i certainly can’t do everything on my own. and i certainly can’t do everything on my own everyday. it was one of those things where i had to pick what was really really important and what wasn’t. i then had to let go of the unimportant things. i had to let them fall to the side for a while. as you may have guessed, social networking was one of the things that made the not-so-important list. as far as time-management goes, blogging and keeping up with other bloggers can be EXTREMELY time consuming. i only know that from other people because i only read about 7 or 8 blogs. i’ve tried to up the number but just haven’t found ones that really really grab me. i’ll pick up a few for a few days and then realize that they just aren’t what i’m looking for. and so i drop them and i’m back down to my tiny pool.
and that’s ok for me. i don’t have to have a million readers or have a million blogs to read. i simply don’t have that kind of time. there are more important things to spend my time on, like school and james. so my small circle of peeps is just right to connect me to a few other people and not have google reader rule my life or be SUPER intimidated every time i open it. i think it’s definitely at the manageable level.
so, the next step that i’ve decided to take of things to incorporate into my life is prayer time. i think this is the third time i’ve said this today, but i’m not much of a pray-er. i never really have been. recently, though, i feel like it’s been weighing on me more and more as something that i need to do and to make a priority. i’m trying to pray right before bed and usually i’m good, but there are sometimes where i realize what i’m saying and it’s just mumbly-jumbly-i-must-have-fallen-asleep-and-it-was-part -of-my-dream stuff. that’s when i know it’s time to close it down and just go to sleep. i think God understands.
the other time i’m trying to really incorporate it is the end of my yoga that i do a few times a week. every session ends in the meditation pose with prayer hands. what better time to try to connect with God than when i’m being prepped to center myself? i’m certainly more awake at that time, more able to focus and i can clearly think of people and that’s pretty much what i pray for. i go through my friends, my family, my life group and i try to pray for each of them. the list is pretty long, but i know i don’t have to go overboard. just a sentence or two about each one. sometimes i know that someone is going through an especially hard time and i dedicate much more time to them. sometimes i leave people out. i’ve decided that it’s not WHAT i pray about or HOW MANY i pray about, but that i’m DOING it. that i’m consciously making myself aware of the importance of connecting, of plugging in right away in the morning.
i haven’t gone for a run since i’ve started doing this, but my mind is pretty free when i’m running and occasionally i try to pray while running. i can’t think of a better time to connect than then, too. i’m running early, don’t REALLY have to worry about traffic, i have half an hour (at least) of uninterrupted time to just chat with God about life. i think it brings me back a little, to my earlier college days when we were all trying to find our faith and our path and how we were supposed to be living it. the thing that i picked out and remember the most is that each relationship with God is unique. how we interact with Him, how we connect, it’s all based on how He made us, not just some formula that i follow and that means that i have this great relationship. it’s really freeing to remember that and to ACT on it. yes, there are some things that are universally important, such as prayer and reading, but some people do it daily and other people just aren’t built for the daily thing. it’s more of a weekly thing, it’s connecting in other ways, talking to other people about their faith, living it out in different ways. God eventually leads the relationship where it’s supposed to go. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve tried to do the daily thing and failed. i’m not a daily kind of person. i can barely do anything every day. heck, i don’t even SHOWER every day.
i love the freedom that comes with this relationship and the freedom that comes with readjusting life as needed. i love the feeling of knowing that i’m doing something that’s going to make my life (and hopefully the lives of those around me) SO much better. even if it’s something as simple as praying every day. trying to run a few times a week. low pressure, low condemnation types of things. why do we always set ourselves up to fail? why do we always bite off more than we can chew? i’m resolving to do that as infrequently as possible from here on out. things will come when they come and when they do, i’ll be ready. until then, i’m all about making who i am today and tomorrow the best person possible.