3 to go…

i have officially applied to further my education. i’m looking at two programs (see here and here) and they both have great strong points and a few things i’d rather leave behind. Such is every stage in life, though, isn’t it? I knew that interviewing was part of the process as well, so, me being the stressball i’ve been about this so far, i HAD to inquire to each school about it. turns out that interviews don’t happen until after i’m through the first round of cuts of applicants.

terrifying.

i’m certainly not worried about the interview. i’m almost certain that once they finally meet me and start to get to know me, that they’re going to be breaking down my door to give them money, to get a degree from them and have me grace their campus with my presence. i’m sure of it.

it’s the getting through the first round that’s scary.

i don’t feel anymore like i’m not good enough to go, as mentioned previously. i know that i am, it’s just waiting on something over which i no longer have any control. everything is in. my heart is on my sleeve. i’ve put myself out there, and now i have to wait to see if who i am is the kind of person that they are looking for.

it’s strange being in that state of limbo. i feel like i’m LIVING in limbo. school hasn’t quite settled in yet, i’m not 100% sure how my classes are going because it feels like classes are being canceled left and right. i only HAVE class four days a week, and having that three day weekend is throwing me off. i know that all the evening activities haven’t started yet, and i’m sure that will through some stability into the routine and make it feel more school-year-like, which i honestly prefer. i’d rather feel like i KNOW what season i’m in. it’s hard not knowing what i’m doing in class and if something is due and did i do it and i don’t have one of my classes for 3 class periods and another has canceled the last 2 class periods and a third one i have NO idea what’s going on. yeah. ps. did you like that run on sentence? i thought it was pretty sweet.

anyway.

so my applications are submitted. my transcripts have been requested. i’ve paid my money and signed my forms. all i have left to get in are 3 references. one that i know has been sent in recently and the others? no idea. of course, i know who hasn’t gotten them in yet and asking is no problem, but it’s just kinda weird. i have 3 references standing in the way of a committee deciding what my options are.

3 references.

20 minutes of time.

it’s pretty crazy. and as stressful as it is, part of me is actually pretty peaceful about it. there’s nothing left for me to do. there’s nothing else i CAN do. just be patient. trust. wait. live.

breathe…

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