feeling at home…

have you ever been to a place where you just feel like you’re home? it just seems that everything fits and like this time and place has been designed for you to be there?

driving home from the cities this morning and driving into fargo actually seemed really WEIRD. maybe it’s because we went to the cities on a tuesday and slept in a strange place and i knew i was going straight to school and not home, or maybe, just maybe it’s because i found a place where i think i really, truly belong. a place where the school’s philosophy and class plan resonate with my soul. a place that truly is a world of its own.

we went to an informational meeting at bethel seminary last night. i wasn’t sure what to expect or who would be there or even what would be going on. i felt bad asking james to go to the cities on a tuesday night, to burn a full day of vacation time, to throw a curve ball into the week. now that it’s all said and done though, i think it was really worth it.

i take that back.

i KNOW it was worth it. it was worth it to hear what they have to say. it was worth it to ask my questions and get my answers. it was worth it to almost hear God say ‘this is it. get ready.’ i’m very optimistic about my chances of getting in, especially after talking to the program director. it was nice to hear james say ‘you will be *very* at *home* here. and i agree.

these past few weeks/months have been quite the roller coaster, trying to write, to prove that i’m good enough not only to myself, but to other people. to allow myself to trust in my writing and in other’s editing. to throw up my hands and say ‘you have to get this God, because i can’t do it’. to not think about it for days and then to have a mild panic attack because it suddenly hits me as i’m going to bed. to talk and talk about it with james, to talk about things that we don’t need to talk about yet. to talk about the ridiculous things. to talk about the nonridiculous things.

at least i know he’s got my back. the whole way. it’s a pretty amazing feeling. now i just have to wait to see what they say.

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2 thoughts on “feeling at home…

  1. Kayla says:

    Definitely know EXACTLY what you’re talking about with the little panic attacks when everything hits you–and then talking (and worrying) about things that don’t need to be talked about yet–happens to me all the time! I’m glad that you found somewhere that suits you! And I’m sure you will get in :).

  2. jeneypeney says:

    You’re going to ROCK at this place, Cari 🙂 I just know it!

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