a new direction…

i didn’t get into my program that i wanted to. honestly, i’m REALLY surprised. i really thought that i had it in the bag – i thought i interviewed well, i thought i showed i was serious, i thought i would be a really good fit there.

apparently not.

i won’t lie, i’m disappointed. i’m confused. i’m not sure where to go from here. i’m not sure if i’ve been following the right path. i mean, i really feel that i belong in the psychology field, i do, i just suddenly don’t know where. i’m not sure what i’m supposed to be doing. in the immediate future, of course, is finishing up my last three weeks. i’ll be stepping away from my volunteer work to try to clear my schedule and clear my head. then i need to do some soul searching.

then probably job searching.

it’s kinda scary thinking about job searching. it’s something really new and i’m not sure where to start. i don’t know what i’ll be able to do with this degree in my field. there’s something very familiar and safe about being in school. at the same time, a job will definitely bring a sense of permanency to my life. life in school seems so temporary – anything can change at any time. a job opens up a whole new world. the opportunity to look at houses and buy one, to think about getting dogs or having kids. financially, we’d be completely set. we already live on one income, so another can only help us to pay off student loans faster, save for a house faster, give more to church. it’s pretty incredible to think about.

i’m not entirely sure how i feel about it at this moment. a lot of me is still in shock about not getting into the program i wanted. i’m still not sure what it means, if i misread something or misthought something. or maybe everything has happened exactly how it was supposed to and in a few months or maybe even a few years, we’ll look back and be SO thankful that things happened the way they did.

we have an opportunity this summer to lead a small life group for new believers (i think) and we’re going through a series that the whole church went through last year. it’s a series that asks some of the major questions about Christianity. like ‘why should i believe in God’ and some other pretty tough questions with no easy answers. i’m really excited. james is really excited. it should be pretty awesome leading a group together, being able to be a team in that, and being able to open our house to others.

i am excited that i will continue to be able to be in the life groups i started this semester. they have been INCREDIBLE to say the least. i’ve grown SO much as a person and as a Christian in these groups – they are everything i’ve looked for in a group and so much more. a place to be honest, to be accepted, to be corrected. it’s pretty amazing.

this new direction is really scary and full of uncertainty, but then again, so has every step that has led me to where i am today. every step has been uncertain, taken in faith, and followed with my whole heart. and honestly, as scary as it is, i can’t wait to see where it goes and where we end up. i’m sure it will be even more amazing than i could even possibly dream.

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One thought on “a new direction…

  1. Kayla says:

    Sorry to hear that you didn’t get accepted! Hopefully it leads you to something amazing! I definitely know what you mean about uncertainty being a scary thing. I was terrified to leave the military lifestyle. It’s more or less been a HUGE part of my life for the last 4 years, and to be away from it is a very scary thing. I still find myself wishing that it was still a part of my life. Eventually I’m sure I will learn to live life without it, but right now, I’m finding that it takes a long time to adjust, and to get comfortable with all the questions about what lies ahead. I think you are accepting it pretty well already–probably better than I am, and I’m already 3 months out!

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