thinking on my time off…

this may not come as a surprise to anyone, but i’ve been doing a LOT of thinking while i really have nothing else to do with my life. thinking about the past, the present, the future; family, friends, faith and love. thinking about what i’m going to do with my life, thinking about how i got to where i am today. of course, this inevitably leads me to thinking about bethel and the interview process and how the heck i managed to NOT get in.

the funny thing is, every time i think about it and think about the interview, i NEVER once say “i wish i had said this instead”. i think that’s really interesting, you know? how many times do we NOT get what we want and think “i wish, i wish, i wish”? instead, i think through my answers that i gave to some questions and i defend them!

so today, as i was folding some laundry, i got to thinking about all of that when the previous thought occurred to me. i realized that as much as i wanted to get in, i was completely unwilling to show up as anyone other than myself. no goal is ever worth making yourself fake to achieve. so as disappointed as i still am about not getting in, i feel proud of myself at the same time. i absolutely can’t speak for anyone else there, but i showed up as me. my personality, my beliefs, my thoughts, my attitudes. i didn’t try to change them so that i would say ‘the right thing’. the right thing to say was what i think and what i believe.

i learned a lot about myself in that interview and during the time after. i learned that bethel was probably where I thought i should be, and not where i should actually be. there are SO many things that i can do with my life and overcoming that roadblock has opened up my mind to MANY different paths, whether working inside or outside the home. it has allowed me to really think about what i want and what is important to me and my family. i’ve grown up a little, i guess.

i don’t know where this road is going to take me, but even if that road takes me to being a stay-at-home mom (previously my worst nightmare ever!), i know that i can be content with that. i can be happy no matter what i’m doing and where i’m working as long as i have my family, my friends and my faith by my side. THAT is what’s important in life, not just getting to the next achievement and hitting the next milestone. it’s important to be content in everything, in every circumstance, no matter how close or far away from your dream your circumstance is.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. –Phillipians 4:12-13

are you content in your circumstances or do you find yourself wishing for more?


3 thoughts on “thinking on my time off…

  1. lurking dad says:


  2. Kim says:

    This post reminds me of the Garth Brooks song “Unanswered Prayers.” We don’t always know what the right path is for us, but when we look back hopefully we can say we stood by our vision and our sense of self. I think you can do that here.

  3. ashley says:

    I’ve learned to catch myself when I start wishing for more…

    “compare/where you are to where you wanna be and you’ll get/nowhere.” –Sara Bareilles

    Obviously this is not to be confused with dreaming 🙂 Overall, there is something to be said with learning to be content with your surroundings.

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