I shared about our home escapades in the last post, and despite all the shenanigans, we’re happy to be in. We’re happy to have our own space. We’ve been blessed with this house, with friends all around and yet, I find myself wanting. I’m not entirely sure what it is I’m wanting at this point, but it’s there, gnawing at me.
Maybe I’m overwhelmed by everything we still have to do to get this house feeling homey. Maybe I’m not wanting to wait on things and I’m irritated that I have to because we’ve had to spend money elsewhere. Maybe it’s my job, once again feeling like I don’t want to be there and wondering what I could possibly be doing that makes a difference. Maybe it’s irritation with those who were supposed to be batting for us buying this house and I feel let down by them. Whatever it is, I’m feeling it.
These are the times where it’s easy to slide down that pit into perpetual discontent and wanting more. It’s hard to make the choice to be content in my circumstance. It’s hard to look at the positive, but that’s what I need to do. I want to be mature, to be an adult, but that requires choosing the harder path. That requires setting aside the things I want and focusing on all the blessings I have.
I wanted this to somehow turn into a really inspirational post about climbing out of the dirt and brushing myself off and being able to look into the sunset knowing that another day will come, circumstances will change and I will one day have the things I want, the job I want, the friends I want. However, as I thought about that line, it ended up having a ‘wait for the future and contentment will come’ flavor. The truth is, I have to choose to be content now, in THESE circumstances otherwise I will never be content anywhere. I will always be looking toward the future.
I’m reminded of Paul writing to the Phillippian church, saying that he was grateful for their concern but that he has learned to be content in all circumstances – in plenty or in little, in freedom or in jail, with friends or alone. He is content because Christ is within him, strengthening him through every trial. That’s where I need to go – back to the source. I need to find myself and my strength and hope in the love and life that Christ offers. There is no other way to live. If I live like everyone else running the rat race, I act like everyone else in the rat race. I want to be set apart and that requires making different choices. That requires choosing Christ over all things and knowing that whatever the situation, he’s got it under control and I need to let him carry the burden of my worries and cares.
Easier said than done, right?