Refusing to be blind

We recently looked at a 3-acre property in Minnesota. There were a lot of nice things about it – all on the outside of the house. Matured trees, established fruit bushes and trees, starting fruit trees, a huge garden, several small out buildings, a hand-pumped well, clothes lines – oh it was nice. The house, however, left a lot to be desired. There was nothing terribly wrong with it, was a single wide mobile home that just wasn’t laid out how we would like. We also felt the asking price was much too high.

For a couple weeks, I thought and thought about it. I imagined us living there, what our life would look like, how things would change. I tried to convince myself that we would like it and be happy there. I tried to make myself believe that I would like it.

This weekend, I finally stopped trying to convince myself. I realized that I don’t want it. There are so many positives, but I just can’t get myself to be excited about it. I finally allowed myself to be okay with the idea that I didn’t like it. I am so much more satisfied now. I don’t feel any regret or lingering anything from just letting it go.

When we bought this house, we were struck by first-time home buyers blindness. We bought a house with lots of problems, most of which were hidden or concealed by the previous owners. We have spent a LOT of money trying to make things right here. Now that it’s just how we wanted it when we moved in, we can’t wait to get out. We want to be where we can hear more nature and less traffic. We want to be where it is dark at night and not just darker than daytime. We want a place where we can breathe something other than exhaust from cars. We want a place where it makes sense to have a dog that barks at everything unusual he sees (unlike in busy big city where’ he’s barking all the time). We want Mae to learn about where food comes from (hint – it’s not the grocery store). There are so many things we want that we can’t do in town.

Sometimes we can feel so impatient with that. Sometimes, we want to jump on an opportunity that isn’t just right for us because it’s sort of right. It has a few things we want. The good thing about this current house is that we are much more careful about what we decide we like. We have learned to give ourselves time to think and process and digest before moving forward. Sometimes that means that we lose the chance at a good property. Sometimes that means that we say no to lots of good things because of a few bad things. We refuse to be blind again, though. Would anyone choose to become blind again once receiving sight?

It’s easy sometimes to forget that our sight is there for a reason. We have experiences that expand our vision and it’s our responsibility to honor and use that new wisdom. Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it. We literally can’t afford to repeat history. I find, however, that it’s hard to wait on God’s timing. It’s easy to think “what if that past opportunity was what I WAS supposed to do?” even though at the time you were sure that it wasn’t the right opportunity at the right time. We have to trust that the right place will come at the right time. There is no reason to be blind to or ignore our gut feelings.

Is there something that you’re trying to turn into the right opportunity even though if you’re really honest with yourself,  you know it’s not?



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